Fifty Shades of Pain by Chris Markham

Author:Chris Markham
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-06-16T16:00:00+00:00

Shade Twenty-Eight

Lawsuits

We’ve all heard about horrible, terrible and idiotic lawsuits 123. Everyone knows, almost by heart, the story involving the unfortunate person that spilled a cup of McDonald’s coffee in her lap. You know, the one that won the resultant huge financial windfall, as well as the future requirement that every cup of coffee you purchase has to have on the cup “Warning: Contents HOT” or some variation thereof 124.

Fewer people know about the woman who sued General Mills on the grounds that the company’s crunchberry cereal did not, in fact, have actual berries in the ingredients 125. Another man sued Michael Jordan and Nike for all the damage and serious, personal and emotional distress he experienced as a result of people mistaking the plaintiff for Michael Jordan (THE Michael Jordan 126). I have no idea how that could possibly be a negative, but I guess some people would not want to be mistaken for a very wealthy, talented and one of the most recognized brands 127 on the planet.

Finally, there are tons of suits out there that blame others for the singular misfortunes that people commit against themselves. For example, people have sued hospitals, jails and other security-type institutions for not having the manpower, resources and foresight to prevent the plaintiff from committing crimes while being in the hospital, jail or other security-type institution. And there is my favorite defense for people that are being foreclosed upon - or for those that have neglected to repay a loan – the bank should not have loaned me as much money as they did. The bank knew I wasn’t going to be able to pay it back 128. Actually, I am surprised that said argument works from time to time – enough that it should actually be used by a desperate enough defendant.

Now, it seems as though lawyers are getting into the act of becoming plaintiffs in frivolous lawsuits. Being from the Washington, DC metropolitan area, you couldn’t go two or three days without hearing about the lawyer (actually administrative judge) that sued the dry cleaners for losing a pair of pants. Of course he sued the dry cleaner for millions upon millions of dollars. This suit, and the resultant publicity cost him his job, his reputation and his dignity, if any was to be had. Oh, yeah, the dry cleaners went out of business due to their legal bills.

Not very pleasant.

Recently, an attorney has sued the City of Houston, the Houston Airport Authority and a restaurant located in the airport for the loss of his leather jacket. You see, the lawyer in question was on a layover, and he got something to eat. Tragically, he left his leather jacket in the place, and no one knows where it is. He’s suing for $800.00, and has put all three parties on notice that one, if not all of them are going to pay for what amounts to be his mistake.

See, in certain circumstances, a bailor-bailee relationship is created when someone leaves

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